The divorce rate for young couples who are between 20 and 25 is 60%, an alarmingly high rate!
Young married couples face many challenges to living a happily married life in today’s world – some of those challenges are age-old, and some are more modern.
Here are 14 tried-and-true ways to have a marriage that thrives in today’s world.
1. Set Goals and Make Plans Together
One of the best long-term marriage stories I ever heard came from a couple married when she was 19, and he was 20. They were married 67 years and loved to talk about the early years of their marriage.
They sat down one day just before their wedding and talked about what they both wanted from their future together.
They set concrete goals about their finances, raising children, participating in their church and community, and even personal goals concerning work and hobbies.
They always consulted each other before taking any action that might affect their marriage (and later, their children’s lives). They didn’t plan without consulting each other. This helped minimize hurt feelings and broken dreams.
2. The Three C’s: Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
No one really like to argue, but resolving conflict in your marriage means talking through issues we’d rather sweep under the rug. Make it a habit to talk about everything – good and bad.
Make time to talk to each other, preferably uninterrupted time. This might mean making a pre-bedtime conversation routine or finding another private moment. Of course, talking to your spouse means listening, as well.
3. Commit Time to Your Marriage
Your marriage may include children, pets, jobs, friends, and hobbies, all taking time away from the most important human relationship you have. What is for sure is that no one can concentrate on just their marriage in this world.
This means you need to have specific time committed to strengthening your relationship. Date nights are important, even if they are ‘stay dates’ where you are fully present with your significant other. Put your phones and other electronic devices away, and enjoy an activity together.
4. Prioritize Your Marriage
No matter what you do, prioritizing your marriage and your relationship with Jesus will help you maintain the healthy bonds that will take you through the hard times in life and your marriage.
Your children, your pets, and your jobs will demand your attention at times. You will need to make sure that you bring your attention back to your spouse as these demands die down.
5. Be Flexible and Learn to Compromise
In today’s hectic world, it’s easy to lose sight of balance. We are encouraged by commercials to ‘never compromise’ when it comes to what we want. However, if you try that in marriage, it’s a lot less likely to last.
Be flexible – adapt to changing schedules and changing moods. Practice compassion with yourself and your spouse – forgive the little things (and it’s all little stuff in the end).
As my grandmother used to tell me – “What will you remember about your husband in 30 years? It won’t be the fact that he didn’t replace the toilet paper roll!” Meet your spouse in the middle and be willing to give up a few things for them.
6. Share (and Be Open About) Your Finances
Financial issues are one of the leading sources of conflict in marriages. Don’t shy away from this important issue. Take a financial course together, and remember that planning you did with your spouse to keep your finances on track.
Don’t give in to the temptation to blame a spouse for financial woes. Instead, focus on getting back on track and set a financial plan together. There are a lot of resources on finances for couples.
7. Be Curious and Learn Together as a Young Married Couple
We’ve all been there – you feel like you know the other person inside and out, and there’s nothing new to discover. But the person you are married to today isn’t the same person as when you started dating, and continual curiosity about each other creates a life of fun, adventure, friendship, and growth.
If your wife expresses an interest in learning how to ballroom dance, try it. Then express interests of your own so that she can learn something new with you, and you’ll end up learning new things about each other. Couples who are open to new experiences together enjoy a life-long bond that lasts through hard times.
8. Boundaries Are Good
Many people come from homes that have been impacted by negative situations – addiction, abuse, and codependence. While you need to focus on your marriage, a healthy marriage has two healthy participants. You’re allowed (and encouraged) to take time for yourself and have friendships outside your marriage.
If your spouse has a hard time with those concepts, or you do, it may be time to get some therapy to see how you can overcome them to enjoy a happy marriage and a good life.
9. Pay Attention to the Little Things
Yes, I know – just a few minutes ago, I told you not to sweat the small stuff. This is a different piece of advice. Kenny Rogers had a song called “Buy Me A Rose” that perfectly sums this advice.
Do the small things that may seem corny but let your loved one know you’re thinking of them. Put a note in with their lunch, buy a single rose on your way home from work, make their favorite dish, or help with the dishes after dinner.
Those little things smooth over big hurts and let you express with little gestures that your spouse matters to you.
10. Don’t Forget to Touch Each Other
Human beings are social creatures, and we thrive on touch. Sometimes, a small gesture like taking her hand as you walk into a store or brushing his shoulders with your hand when you walk past lets you have a brief and silent moment of togetherness.
Don’t be afraid of physical intimacy and expressing your love to your husband or wife – it reinforces the chemical bonding process and the link you have to them.
11. Don’t Go to Bed Angry
You’ve heard this one a million times, but it’s still a profound piece of advice. While this doesn’t mean you should stay up and argue things out all night, it does mean letting go of your anger and letting things rest.
12. Be Committed to Your Marriage
There will be problems and grief. You may reach a point where you wonder if the marriage is worth the grief.
Your commitment to your marriage will make you both stronger, and over time the two of you can work through almost anything together. Be willing to take the extra steps to work through the hard times – see a counselor or pastor, make sacrifices, and keep looking forward.
14. Keep God in the Center of Your Marriage
Marriage is intended to strengthen our relationship with God and reflect the love God has for each of us. But, unfortunately, as a young married couple, it can be easy to lose your focus.
Rather than have God be a spectator in your relationship, depend on God to guide you both and model your love for each other after God’s greatest sacrifice to us – the gift of His son.
Keeping God at the center practically looks like getting involved in a church, and ideally a small group community that is pursuing God-centered lives together.
Use These Tips for Young Married Couples
Marriage is a very special bond. We believe that marriage is a sacred connection between two people and that it offers a chance to reflect the true love of God.
If you’re a young married couple or plan to be soon, be sure to remember these tips for young married couples as you go forward.
We hope these tips for young married people help you, and we invite you to visit us to learn more. We also have a number of marriage resources available for free.